When One Door Closes…

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doorI recently walked through a wide open door in my life that I had been completely missing because my I was too busy staring at a door that was closed.

The door I wanted to walk through, the door I was anxious to walk through, the door I was sure I was supposed to walk through, that I was standing in front of, timidly knocking at, half afraid it would actually open… that door wasn’t budging.

I camped out in front of this door, completely confused as to why it wasn’t opening. Wasn’t I being patient enough? Wasn’t I ready enough?

Some time passed and I kept working on my patience. One day I decided to take a walk through this great house of doors. I passed doors I had opened long ago and saw all the beautiful things I had found when I entered. I saw doors to rooms undergoing renovation. A door to dreams opened easily and all my dreams sat shiny and ready for me to choose the next one to take off the shelf.

I continued opening random doors, familiar doors… nothing really caught my attention until I opened one door that didn’t look so special. No fancy knob, no key required. Just a plain old door.

I walked through it and pulled a book off the shelf. This book is pretty interesting, I thought. This might be helpful whenever the really important door opens and lets me in. So I settled in. One thing led to the next. There was a beautiful open window in this room, a comfy couch, and everything I seemed to need within my reach.

I think I’ll stay here a while, I mused. The other door can wait.

And so I finally found my way back to my present. As present as I was being in my meditation, in my daily life, in my interactions, when it came to this one area of expectation, of hope, of yearning, I was not being present at all. I had lost all perspective because my focus was so narrowed in on the door that wouldn’t open.

I felt trapped and stuck, without many choices, because I was only allowing for once solution: the door must open. When I expanded my vision to the unknown, to the who-knows, to the unplanned and unexpected, I found myself able to move again. I found myself walking through the door of presence. This door is never locked, and when we choose to enter it holds everything we need. It is peaceful here, satisfying, and there is nowhere to rush off to.

From this place of presence I felt like I could fly. The ceiling was a blue sky and the walls were painted with ease, inspiration, creativity and hope.

At times we all find ourselves standing in front of a door that won’t open. This must be the one I am meant to walk through, we think. I’ve worked so hard to get here, I won’t move until it opens.

Sometimes it opens and sometimes we spend days, months, years, or lifetimes waiting for doors to open.

The path back to presence is always right in front of us, but not always easy to see. When you are lost or feeling stuck, remember to start where you are. It will always lead you to the door that opens every time. This is the magic and the power of Now.

photo credit: the_girl

This Isn’t A Dress Rehearsal

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speakI used to work for a judge who was known for speaking his mind. He had a unique ability to reduce the meaning of life to one-liners.

One of his famous ones went like so:

“This isn’t a dress rehearsal.”

We don’t get a Take 2 on life. There’s no do-overs.

The days you sit and hope for better days, this is the better day. When the weeks seem to fly by, keep pace with them. The sunrise you think you’re guaranteed for the next 50 years might not rise for you tomorrow, so watch the sunset tonight.

This concept of living with urgency is often taken two ways: People either live IN the now or they live FOR the now.

One approach emphasizes living with abandon, seeking out all the external pleasure life has to offer, and leaving nothing unchecked on your bucket list. I call that living for the now.

Living in the now is different. You are in it instead of chasing it. You show up completely wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, whoever you’re with. You are doing your best to inhabit every moment fully and to see it clearly. There is an open-heartedness, an embracing, an allowing, an accepting of what is.

Shakespeare sums it up simply:

All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts.

What act are you in on the stage of your life? Your lines won’t be perfect, but they can be honest and heartfelt. When you’re given a new role you’re unprepared for, can you let the old role go and step into the new one for as long as it lasts?

This is a challenge, letting go of our perceived or preferred roles. This is why we practice staying present.

Can we see ourselves from the perspective of the audience, even as we play out our part? This is the work of meditation and mindfulness.

When it is our time to exit, will we take our last bow knowing that we gave our best?

Rise to the occasion of your life. No one else can do it for you.

 

photo credit: dullhunk

The Karmic Effect

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I’ve been on the receiving end of some true beauty lately. Beauty through people’s small, but mindful actions.

A number of incidences in a row where I was unexpectedly gifted kindness, thoughtfulness, or love got me thinking about the concept of karma.

In our modern day many people view karma as a repercussion or pay-back.

A more accurate definition of karma is Cause and Effect. This puts us in the driver’s seat of our lives. What Cause are we going to actively, mindfully, consciously choose to create?

Instead of focusing on the “effect” or what we expect to receive, when we put the emphasis on what we choose to cause, consciously and subconsciously, we begin to tap into that karmic energy.

If for every cause there is an effect, our actions, small or large, take on a whole new potential. It suggests that we are already creating the “Change we wish to see in the world.”

So what kind of world are we creating?

What actions, thoughts, energies are we putting out in our internal and external worlds? And what actions, thoughts, and energies are we taking in to our bodies, minds, and hearts?

The Sanskrit definition of karma is literally “action.” We can think of it as freedom of choice. Free will to act and react as we choose.

As Wayne Dyer puts it: “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.”

Let’s all be the change we wish to see, from the smallest aspect of our lives to the largest. Every action has an effect.

Live mindfully. Act consciously. Create change.

Newsletter

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Happy May! This short post is to let you know I’ll soon be sending out a monthly newsletter.

If you’re interested, please sign up here.

My intention is to share relevant, mindful, inspiring links and updates. I am conscious that your Inbox, both mental and literal, are being flooded all the time. Please only sign up if you feel it will serve you in some way.

Gratitude & Love,

Mo

Enter a Prisoner, Exit a Free Man

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This is how I would describe meditation. A breaking out of of bondage. That has been my experience with the mental transformation that happens ever so subtly every time.

Whether the practice kicks up dirt, unearths troubling layers of thought, or is a peaceful experience, we always emerge freer than before. Lighter than before. More open, more peaceful.

More like our true selves.

When I start searching for validation, peace, contentment, love, reassurance outside of myself, I know it’s time to tune back in. Time to take ten minutes (or more) and reconnect with my true essence.

Because it’s not out there, what you’re looking for.

That feeling, that connection, that peace, that answer, that assurance, that validation, that savior… it’s not outside.

It’s inside.

Yes, sometimes we think we’ve looked inside. Searched the corners high and low. The answer’s not there we swear. So we search and chase and cling and beg and plead with whoever’s out there controlling this world to give it to me.

Give me what I need.

We think they’re not answering because nothing changes.

In reality, they’re not answering because we already have the answer.

We already have what we need.

We are just looking in the wrong place.

Today’s full moon is a beautiful reminder to tune in deeply with silence, with stillness, with what already is, whatever that may be.

If you think you’ve already looked inside, look again.  But not with your eyes or your mind. Look with the part of your being that doesn’t need to see to believe, doesn’t need to understand to accept.

The freedom is there. It’s our choice to access it. We are the only ones who hold the key.

Below is a simple meditation if you are wondering where or how to start:

Spirituality À La Carte

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How do you define spirituality?

I grew up thinking being religious meant you were spiritual and vice versa. When I walked away from organized religion in my early 30s, I thought I was walking away from spirituality as well.

When I would experience blissful moments of peace, connection, or unparalleled stillness on my yoga mat, I had no word for it. This is just yoga, I thought. When I was introduced to mantra and chanting and started to look forward to it at the end of a class, marveling at the higher resonance I experienced through it, I again thought to myself, This is just yoga.

When yoga teachers talked about the Universal or mythical gods and goddesses, it made me a little uncomfortable because it started to sound a little too “spiritual.” This part’s not for me, I thought. Yet I could feel myself drawn to classes with an emphasis on philosophy more than hot yoga classes.

The more I began to focus on meditation and living and moving mindfully, the more I began to run across the word “spiritual” in my research and in my search for like-minded people. My practices of yoga, meditation, and mindfulness were bringing me home; home to a body I had never inhabited before. They were delivering me to my fullest life and preparing me to handle life and loss like an inhale and an exhale.

Due to my deeply religious upbringing, I would see parallels everywhere. Practices that existed on opposite ends of the spiritual spectrum seemed to me to have a lot in common. The humility and reverence at times present in both prayer and meditation. The devotional feeling present both in singing and chanting. The trust in a marvelous higher source called the Universal or God. The life force of prana and the life force of the Holy Spirit. Buddhist concepts like right effort, right speech, and respect sounded just like what I’d learned Jesus to teach.

When I first heard the suggestion that violence is the result of humanity “forgetting who we are,” or forgetting our inherent true nature, our universal oneness, I was reminded of Jesus’ dying words: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

According to professor of psychology David N. Elkins, Ph.D., “The word spirituality comes from the Latin root spiritus, which means ‘breath’ – referring to the breath of life. It involves opening our hearts and cultivating our capacity to experience awe, reverence, and gratitude. It is the ability to see the sacred in the ordinary, to feel the poignancy of life, to know the passion of existence and to give ourselves over to that which is greater than ourselves.”

I see many people redefining spirituality these days, allowing it to exist and thrive as an internal state, independent of organized religion. Others would call that kind of talk sacrilegious.

And I see many people struggling to find an acceptance and a validity to being spiritual without being religious. For some their religious roots haunt them, and for others the stigma of “spirituality” blocks their curiosity, even though they often find themselves face-to-face with a yearning for a deeper connection to life.

The dispute over whether yoga is religious and should be allowed in schools continues to create controversy. I personally don’t feel yoga is religious. It is not a religion. It may, however, allow you to have some deeper experiences of being that some would call “spiritual.” It is largely our labeling that creates divisiveness.

If I have a non-dualistic experience of universal connection through yoga or meditation, and you have a dualistic experience of universal connection through church and prayer, and mine prepares me to live and die in peace and yours to live in heaven, who’s to say I am right and you are wrong? The two of us are here on earth, side by side, striving to be the best human beings we can be.

Many people become spiritual seekers in the wake of loss, trauma, or in old age. The reality of death seems to wake up a sometimes dormant spiritual need.

We will all die one day. I’m more interested in how you choose to live than in how often you go to church or how often you meditate.

In the words of English-American revolutionary Thomas Paine, “The World is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion.”

Are You a Reactor or a Responder?

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Most of my life I’ve been a reactor. Even though I don’t often react outwardly to a situation, I have an inward, visceral reaction to events.

Recently I was presented with a situation which really ruffled the feathers of my ego. I had an immediate internal reaction to push away from the situation, as if approaching it would hurt me, expose me, threaten me.

I “watched” this reaction in myself and chose to pause before continuing to react. I paused for a few minutes and reapproached the situation in my head, looking at it head-on and honestly.

From this pause and observation, I then decided to respond instead of react.

In responding, I chose to respond from a place of love. Meaning I put down my defenses and opened my arms. I welcomed the seemingly threatening energy. I said what I had to say honestly but not harshly. I thanked it for the growing experience it offered me and then I let it go.

Watching myself go through these motions was a little surprising

Mostly because they didn’t seem like things I would do. Really let it go? Really? But there I was, letting it go.

Really honoring someone approaching me in such an off-putting way? Really. Honoring.

What I realized upon reflecting on the circumstances was not that I’ve become a new, different, or better person.

I am the same person I’ve always been.

I just exercised my right to choose.

Instead of default programming to react without reflection, my programming is starting to change. I’ve developed the ability to pause. When I pause, I create the opportunity for choice.

My choices are to continue to react or to choose to respond.

This pausing and choosing is invaluable for all of us. Turning it into second nature is a lifelong practice, but in small moments we can observe ourselves taking the first step.

The first step in the right direction.

One step after another. That’s what you call a path.

Falling Awake

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A number of years ago I was quite lost and disconnected. Lost in my own life and disconnected from everyone and everything. There were a number of small steps that started me on a healthy path to Here. Below I share with you Step No. 2.

Through my writing I attempt to offer everything that has helped me on my path, with the hope that it may lead someone out there to the next step on their own path or remind us all, including myself, of what really matters in our lives.

We all have the ability to shine a light. Often one person will shine a light on something we had missed or forgotten. On our individual paths we sometimes find ourselves in the dark and have to wait until another light reveals our next step.

Or until we learn how to feel our way in the dark.

The video I share below is a talk by Jon Kabat-Zinn, the creator of MBSR (Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction).

Mindfulness, as it’s known today, is the modern term for the ancient practice of Svadhyaya, or self-reflection. Self-reflection, rather than being self-absorbed, is the process of seeing clearly that which we are.

Which means that we will also see clearly that which we are not.

The practice of mindfulness, or svadhyaya, is a direct path to our fullest life. It literally brings our lives to life. The more we practice, the more we develop the courage to show up for our life. It sounds easy and pleasant in theory: just show up for your life. In reality, it’s pretty terrifying.

Kabat-Zinn’s book Full Catastrophe Living was the second step on my path to Here. It’s a powerful book that teaches the reader how to handle pain, physical or mental, and how to handle life in its most catastrophic moments.

The video I share below is a poignant talk by Jon Kabat-Zinn at the UCSD Medical Center. It’s lengthy and not light listening. It will bring you back to your senses. It will question if you are falling asleep or falling awake.

It will hold up a mirror and invite you to look within.

The poem by Derek Walcott can be found here.

The Patience of the New Moon

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As the New Moon secretly peaks behind layers of darkness, there is often no external proof of her existence.

Yet full and heavy she rises, and full and heavy she sets.

There are within us even now new moons that have not yet become full moons. They are not yet meant to shine their light on the world. They are not yet meant to be seen.

Just as with the moon, the vessel does not change.

The light changes.

As the light changes its angle and strength, more becomes visible. What was shadowed and murky before becomes clear and illuminated.

There is a peace and a beauty in the unfulfilled, the unimagined, the unrevealed, and the unknown. There can be no agenda because you don’t know where you are going.

Celebrate that today. Celebrate being lost. Celebrate being in the dark. Celebrate being confused.

There is a purity and a deep joy that will rise when you stop trying to find your way and bathe in your present moment.

Bathe in the darkness. Bathe in the freedom of the unknown.

The light will reveal itself when it is time.

The Journey From Worthless to Worthy

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I’ve been coming up against some limitations lately. Limitations that are encouraging me to reexamine and redefine my values and fears and dig a little deeper to plant new seeds of thought.

One of the concepts that’s been put on my plate is how do I define Worth.

Here’s how it goes:

If for whatever reason I feel limited in what I can do,
this makes me feel uncomfortable, at its outermost level, and downright disturbing at its deepest level.

Observing this reaction, I asked myself, Why?

The answer is simple. When I feel limited with what I can do, I start to feel useless.

When I start to feel useless,
I begin to feel worthless.

Now, that might seem like a mighty big jump to some, and to others it might seem like the next logical step.
For the deep layers in my brain and body, still engrained with old ways of thinking, this was the next logical step.

I watched this downgrading play out in front of me (the real me, my true Self) with incredulous awe, doing my best to refrain from judgement.

Once I saw clearly what my ego was struggling with, I was better equipped to respond instead of react to my perceptions.

I saw my old way of thinking and I saw my new way of thinking.

I saw clearly that I have a choice.

My choice is to speak loud and clear to my old way of thinking: I am here. And I am worthy.

The two commentaries battled for center stage for a while, but after some time the one that rang true was the only voice left standing.

I am here. And I am worthy.

It’s not something I needed convincing of. It’s something I needed reminding of.

I had forgotten. The veil of limitation had dulled my vision.

When I saw it was just that – a veil, a perception, a label – then I remembered my true value.

Wherever you feel unworthiness in your life, take a closer look. Sit with yourself. Your old self, your new self, your true self. Ask them questions. How do they feel? Why do they feel this way?

Don’t fear facing old, engrained patterns. They are there from a lifetime of conditioning. They will continue to rear their head through our lives at unexpected times.

Honor them for what they are. Honor you for who you were. Honor you for who you are.

The you that is the product of your environment and your genes and your choices, and the you that cannot be bound by your body or your brain or your circumstances.

This journey from worthless to worthy will always start externally, and always end internally.

Keep returning to yourself. To your deeper value, to your inherent goodness, to your unlimited worth.

Keep returning to you.